what am I thinking #2

I was thinking to my self lately why am i so attention seeking? Why am i not pleased with anything I have, when i have so much. ever since I was a little girl i have always dreamed of the fairytale lifestyle and I have not yet seen it at my age of 28. I have been married and divorced, my babies father left me, and i sit here feeling sorry formyself. I think so little of myself. WHAT AM I THINKING?!?! I have the best friends in the world, but i complain because they are not physicaly with me. I have the most wonderful son a woman could ask for. I have the craziest most wonderful family. I have a job that I adore. yet i constantly look at me being single as a sin or something. Everyone thinks i am in love with my sons father, but I am not. I do love him for giving me my son, I just don't want him to replace me as Kaleb's mother. the truth is, I am so in love with my 21yr old friend, but he is finding himself and he deserves too. everytime i look at him, or hear his laugh, or seeing one of his 5 smiles, one for politeness, one for when he is really excited, one for when he thinks he is being witty, one of nervousness, and one when he is turned on lol, i am sure he has more but i have not yet discovered them yet. when he looks at me with his baby blue eyes I go crazy inside. WHAT AM I THINKING?!?! he is 21...but i love him and can't tell him. well thats all for now.